seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
