apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
