We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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