She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
