best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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