Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
