I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
