bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think your dad took our porno
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
