idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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