Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
