It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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