It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
