My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
