Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
