she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
