Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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