and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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