She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
