Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
