when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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