not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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