you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
