We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
