and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
