she looked like the bat from fern gully.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
