he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
