But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
