Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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