why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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