i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My balls are so social today.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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