he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
