So drunk its hurt
wanna go halves on a baby?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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