if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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