I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
