Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
