I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
