Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Randomize
