I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
