Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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