So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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