I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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