I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
