FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
