dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
