ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
