Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
