it wasn't lemon gatorade
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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