i think i have two assholes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
