my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
