I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
