My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
