I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
