Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
