He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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