how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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