There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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