i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
