OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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