I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
