remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
