hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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