k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
