Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
