dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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