he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
