This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
