i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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